My cousin, Coty, gave me the best advice when I was starting this scary venture of helping others with their trauma triggers and medical advocacy and he was beginning a new one of his own. His advice is in my head every time I am being referred to a new specialist or looking for one on my own. He told me this:
“Anyone who answers a smart question with a dumb answer isn’t my customer.”
Insert “provider” for the word “customer” and: wow! That is a game changer with energy use, expectations and moving forward with a plan of care. Whether you have chronic or rare illnesses or more common medical concerns, remember this advice. If you encounter a provider that you don’t feel totally comfortable with, you are unsure of their expertise in meeting your medical and/or emotional needs when it comes to your care, they are not the provider for you. It is as simple as that!
Now, I acknowledge that FINDING a provider in the first place that takes your insurance, knowledgeable about your condition and is in an accessible location is sometimes nearly impossible. That is another blog entirely, but for the times you are not facing these challenges, fire the provider and move on.
My lovely friend, Raheeq, was the first person to ever teach me about standing up for my needs in the doctor’s office. She was from Kuwait and she told my husband and I that she didn’t understand why Americans didn’t fire their doctors. “Americans put up with too much from doctors. They are providing a service to the patient and the patient has more control than they realize.”
Those powerful words prompted me to go on an emotional journey to find an OBGYN that was not fat biased and willing to investigate why I was having miscarriages. It was not an easy journey emotionally. One doctor even fired me as a patient—which was a valuable lesson in compatibility in itself. The outcome of a long story is 2 gorgeous kiddos and connecting with amazing providers who actually asked me to share my self-advocacy experience at a medical convention about 6 weeks after I gave birth!
Not every doctor is the right doctor for your situation. If you don’t have confidence in them, exercise your power to seek care elsewhere. It might be terrifying to say, “thanks but no thanks,” to a doctor—even more so if you are not sure what will happen afterwards, but trust your knowledge, intuition and respectfully decline their services. You can open doors for better care when you exercise control over who you allow to be part of your care team.
Wisconsinite Yooper 